Bastardism of Lingo

Yes, tis me! I’m here again o with another reflective thought.

I have this friend whose name I will choose not to mention. He happens to be very dear to my heart and will continue to remain so. His nickname however, is Lingo. He is one person who is very concerned about his appearance and most importantly the impression he leaves with new acquaintances. He is well read in almost every topic you can imagine, and one very striking thing is that he speaks good English, but this story is not about Lingo, my friend. It is about another lingo, our language, English.

Some might argue with me that English is not Nigeria’s lingua-franca. It is. Our presidents, past and present, speak it. It is the accepted form of communication in our corporate environment and until our market places become international trade centers, my friend, our local dialects still have a long way to go. Now, that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s move on to the real business.

Does it surprise you, the level of literacy among the younger working class of our country. Or rather, let me desist from sounding like a ‘Miss Know It All’. I rephrase, does the spoken English of Nigeria’s graduates surprise you? I for one, I’m always surprised at the rate of bullets being shot daily at unsuspecting victims.

A mail was sent requesting the attention of a particular staff who was not around at that time. A colleague felt the need to register this and replied; ‘kindly liaise with miss lagbaja, as miss tamedo is not on sit’. Please, I hope you noticed that because, if you did not, then you’re one of those I’m talking about. The correct word should have been SEAT and not SIT. This is considering that we will ignore the wrong constructive use of certain words in that sentence.

At this stage, I’m beginning to worry about my readers, at the risk of sounding pompous, I wonder if I’m carrying everyone along. I’ll just assume that most people understand me.

Stepping away from grammar, how about pronunciation and spelling? One guy was sharing with another,

Mr A: do you know the church chorus, ‘omini potent God, omini science God….’

Mr B: Ummm…, oh! yes I do, you’re always singing it! What about it?

Mr A: do u know, people always say, ‘omini potent God, omini science God….’. it should be ‘omni potent God, omni science God, I just decided to check the meaning and noticed the spelling!’

Mr B: (with a cynical look) oh really?! (mock surprise)

This conversation was taken well in by my humble self and I could not help but share it with a friend via text. Gosh! U mean, this man passed through Primary School, Secondary School and University and is just realizing the real spelling of Omni at his ripe age of 34. Praise the lord! Better late than never, anyway. Now, I must confess, I am at a loss of where to categorise this man’s error realization, pronunciation or spelling? You see, even I know not the fate of my knowledge of English language.

Anyway, as a typical Nigerian would say….It is well!

THIS LOVE SHA......

It’s a Wednesday evening and I call my favourite cousin to enquire about his divorce proceedings. He sounds a bit cheerful but tired from a long day. In his exact words, ‘with or without them, I’m moving on’.

Wow! It made me think of many things; how this would affect the former wife; what effect it would have on each ex-partner’s reputation. Also the impression it made on me as, hoping to be married someday.

I remember the big wedding, with all the careful planning and hardwork put in to making it a success. What a waste! How must the young woman feel, a marriage crashing before barely taking off. Whose fault was it? Apparently, the man found out some dirty secrets about his wholesome bride at a very late hour. But their story is not my focus for now, what actually dominates my mind is the delicacy of romantic relationships. What took several years to build can be destroyed in just one day. Some that start well just happen to fizzle out in days due to several things; lack of communication, misunderstandings and just sheer lack of interest on the part of one party, certain discouraging discoveries about another’s past and the list goes on and on.

From experiences shared and learned, it is important to know the personality of one’s partner first before making hurried conclusions about the future of a relationship. Coming clean about any lurid details that one feels may be disturbing to the hearer and just generally being oneself. The thing about life is that choices made earlier on can suddenly be as fresh as daylight but attempting to hide them and play saint can be quite disastrous. What will be, will be, no need for one to struggle to keep a relationship with a person who can’t see past your mistakes to your inner person and appreciate you.

With special emphasis on women, your time in the sun is limited. No need to stress that your peak period comes earlier on in life as compared with men. And like most GSM users who are conversant with cheap call rates, women, make good use of that time too, suitors come cheap and in their numbers but your ability to decipher which ones are advantageous to you and carefully select among them a winner, makes you the most prudent user of your peak time.

Yes, all this sounds superficial, and some would say easier said than done. Some would also ask, how about the ladies who are entering the late afternoon and evening periods when calls (suitors) are expensive, talk less of a husband. Well, I can encourage you, the best hunters move in the twilight, when the rarest catch is made, so keep being yourself and don’t lose hope. Keep looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith!